I begin my thoughts today thusly: Kilgore Trout, the renowned American sci-fi writer, wrote a book about a year at the beginning of which all the people on Earth simultaneously conjured the idea that they were going to be sent to a higher dimension at precisely 5 o'clock on June 2, 2049. AM
It was believed that those who possessed clean souls would wind up in the best locations of this new *, and form a faction around the beings or unbeings present. Humans, on the other hand, with tainted, degraded, deceitful and wayward souls, would find themselves in a * laden with war, jealousy, utter hatred, nuclear weaponry and unfaithful partners; some millions of light years away, no doubt.
Knowing that a little less than half a year on the planet was all that was left for them, people started becoming uneasy in each other's presence.
Some of the first signs of this were the so-called speculation-jokes.
These speculation-jokes were foul and unmoral, and I have decided not to give an example of what one would normally look like.
Basically, they made fun of those of whom it was thought would be sent to the lesser-quality zone.
And were most oftenly not funny.
Many cults were formed, families too. Businesses and lawyers' firms.
As a result of which the world began to look like an overpopulated ant farm.
---
What happened on the morning of June 2 (Western hemisphere) was "the biggest thing ever to occur on Earth", according to later reports made by nonhuman journalists.
All the people waited for two hours, in which most everything was still as a bat.
And around 7:13 there was an earthquake, caused by the giant shuttle used by the extraterrestrials.
This rumbling of the ground was thought to be the beginning of everybody's travel to *
Those same nonhuman journalists later accepted the fact that the extraterrestrials had been unpunctual easily, as in space, nobody ever knew what time was.
There simply was no need.
Alas, after the extraterrestrials arrived, what ensued was a week of raping and pillaging.
One must certainly wonder what aliens would possibly want to pillage from the Earth, and the answer is "scarves and stalin-hats".
You put a scarf and a stalin-hat on the coat hanger, and cannot help but think you're stylish. No matter where you come from, apparently.
Not only were there no more of these items left, but there was also no more human life. None. Zilch.
Where the souls of those billions of people went, nobody could tell for sure.
The extraterrestrials soon left the planet, after giving all the husky-dogs superhuman intelligence.
Some other Trout titles to definitely look into are, "The Day The Earth Heard Nothing But The Pink Floyd", "The Octopus's Journey to Saturn and the Death of Uranus" and "The Time Ballet was Used to Free The Slaves of Isador Gamma"
Author's note: * (pronounced [ghee-zik]) - the textual representation of "higher dimension"
And I end my thoughts hereof: Allez-hop!
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Why should we really worry?
Labels:
2012,
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Kilgore Trout,
Literature,
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Илко Биров,
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Thursday, March 3, 2011
Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues
Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues
Well, I was feelin’ sad and feelin’ blueI didn’t know what in the world I wus gonna do
Them Communists they wus comin’ around
They wus in the air
They wus on the ground
They wouldn’t gimme no peace . . .
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the John Birch Society
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin’ down the road
Yee-hoo, I’m a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!
Now we all agree with Hitler’s views
Although he killed six million Jews
It don’t matter too much that he was a Fascist
At least you can’t say he was a Communist!
That’s to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria
Well, I wus lookin’ everywhere for them gol-darned Reds
I got up in the mornin’ ’n’ looked under my bed
Looked in the sink, behind the door
Looked in the glove compartment of my car
Couldn’t find ’em . . .
I wus lookin’ high an’ low for them Reds everywhere
I wus lookin’ in the sink an’ underneath the chair
I looked way up my chimney hole
I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl
They got away . . .
Well, I wus sittin’ home alone an’ started to sweat
Figured they wus in my T.V. set
Peeked behind the picture frame
Got a shock from my feet, hittin’ right up in the brain
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones
Well, I quit my job so I could work all alone
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
That ol’ Betsy Ross . . .
Well, I investigated all the books in the library
Ninety percent of ’em gotta be burned away
I investigated all the people that I knowed
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go
The other two percent are fellow Birchers . . . just like me
Now Eisenhower, he’s a Russian spy
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy
To my knowledge there’s just one man
That’s really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus
Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight
When I run outa things to investigate
Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Hope I don’t find out anything . . . hmm, great God!
Bob Dylan
I must admit that despite the wild concert performances, I enjoy the non-live version of this song from The Witmark Demos most (and he doesn't even play the harmonica on this one). I've uploaded it for your listening pleasure at Megaupload, here
"I don't know what they're doin' talkin' New York to him"
Check out the history of this classic Dylan song here: click for the article in Wikipedia
And there's nothing wrong with this song
Labels:
Amusing,
Bob Dylan,
Folk Music,
Musical Gems,
Satire,
Любопитно,
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